When is it time to leave a group?

How did I know it was time to leave the first and third group? How can you know when it is time to leave a group? Being in a group, after all, gives one a sense of community with others; being in a group can be a source of a lot of fun, and it can also be a source of a lot of information.

There are some questions to ask yourself about any group you are in from time to time: questions which will help you determine if it is time to leave the group.

1. Are you still getting out of the group what you did when you first started? Is there still a strong sense of community in the group?

2. Is the group still fun to go to, or has it become something you feel you should do? When you start feeling you should do something, instead of really wanting to do it, then that's a good indication that it is time for you to leave.

3. Is the basic theme of the group still the same? In other words, each group basically revolves around a theme of some sort. In my first group it was a theme of meditation and informational sessions. The second group was really a theme of just sharing experiences. The Healing Circle had a theme of helping to heal our emotional experiences. The theme of the first group I was in though, changed from meditation and information to raising money for a proposed center. The change in theme resulted in a splitting of the group into factions, and this happens in various groups. If the theme seems to have changed a lot since you joined, maybe it's time to move on.

4. Have the internal politics of the group increased? Is the person heading the group changing from a leader to a form of self-made guru? Do there seem to be various cliques of people forming, fracturing the original cohesiveness of the group? Again, if your answer is yes, it is probably time to find another group or go solo for a while.

5. Have you grown beyond what the group is doing? We are all at different places on the Medicine Wheel, and it is possible that you will learn all you can from one group and simply outgrow it. When you first start to use a computer for example, you may have trouble figuring out how to put the disk in the drive. After a few years you may well be into the more serious aspects of programming. We all develop at different rates, although some groups may never actually develop, staying at the same level all the time.

The reasons for leaving can be many. In some cases leaving can be a very negative experience, as it has been for me. You can make leaving a fairly positive experience though, with a little forethought.