When is it time to leave a group?

Let's say rather, that things are nice and peaceful, and you have just plain decided it is time to go elsewhere. How do you leave gracefully?

1. Don't just stop coming, period. If you do, the person heading the group will wonder if he or she has done something wrong. Some of the group members may think that they have offended you in some way-so don't just break all contact.

2. Have your reason(s) for leaving clear to you. You can't really explain why you are leaving to someone else, and have them understand it, if you are fuzzy on the reasons yourself.

3. Talk to the head(s) of the group. Be polite and cheerful. Explain your reasons for leaving the group. Tell them you have enjoyed your experience in the group, and that you just feel it is really time to have new experiences. You might even want to say that you may very well return to the group in the future.

If you keep everything on a positive level; make sure the leader(s) don't feel they have done anything wrong; and that you have nothing against the group or the people in it, you will be able to have a clear, positive break with the group.

For example, I had been attending the Healing Circle and enjoyed it immensely. I had even done a couple of sessions myself, showing how to do aura cleansing and some basic moves in Tai Chi. Yet I was beginning to tire of the process of going to the group and coming back. Since I chose not to drive a car, it was taking me roughly three hours of travel time on buses in order to attend a meeting for an hour and a half. There was no one in my part of town that attended the meetings regularly, so a ride was not possible.

I finally decided that the travel time was just too much, especially once school had started and I became quickly physically drained from that. I explained to the head of the group that I had enjoyed it, but simply couldn't keep coming. I thanked him for his efforts in the group, and said I would continue studying the things they had been doing. Thus, he felt good, I felt good, the break was clean, and it was positive.

A lot of this is really nothing but general rules of etiquette, something which many, many people have stopped adhering to. Being polite to others has become passe; yet being polite and positive can really help our relationships with other people. So, if you do decide to leave a group, think about your reasons, and present them to the leader(s) in a positive manner. You will be able to move on with no feelings of guilt, and with no hard feelings.