By the Time You Read This I'll Be Dead

This is the type of book that a parent should discuss with their teenager. It's also an important book, especially considering the current concern about bullying in school and how that causes some students to kill themselves. Fortunately there is a discussion section in the book complete with questions, information, and sources.

The book is about Daelyn, who is fifteen and goes to a private girl's school where she's bullied on a regular basis. She was overweight when she was younger and had her first panic attack when she was ten. She's also already tried to kill herself twice. The second time resulted in damage to her esophagus and the need for her to wear a neck brace, something that made her stand out as a target.

She finds a web site on how to kill yourself and signs up for it. As the book goes on we learn that she was sexually assaulted by some boys in a previous school. She's has set a definite date for trying for the third time to kill herself.

What complicates matters is a boy that she meets while waiting on a bench to be picked up and go home. He's extremely friendly, quite intelligent, and is nice to her. Gradually she realizes she is developing some sort of feelings for him and she fights against those as hard as she can.

There are a few things that stood out to me as I read this book:

p. 27: 'I don't know why I can't let the insults go, but I can't. I'm the produce of every hurt that's ever been laid on me.'

p. 32: The author uses a term: bullycide, suicide caused by being bullied.

p. 38: 'I brush my teeth, not looking in the mirror. The sight of me sickens me.'

p. 40: 'Your failures and your faults. They stick with you. They glob into ugly, cancerous growths inside you and make you want to die.'

There is no doubt that Daelyn is in an emotional hell that was not made by anything she did. She is totally innocent. It's those who chose to pick on her, to bully her, to assault her, that have made her feel that way about herself.

This is a book that is well done and is very important to read an discuss.

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